You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
