Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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