Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
