Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
