Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
