There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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