my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize