so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
