If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
