sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
