My Higher Power is John Stamos
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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