My nipple is on Facebook.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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