My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
