and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
