I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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