Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
