Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
