I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
