I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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