I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
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Do I have a choice?
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A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
as a side note pls kill me
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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