Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
