I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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