He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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