I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
