In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My hand turned me down
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
