non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
