this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The power of my boobs compel you
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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