apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
