how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
