he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
