Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
