I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
