Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
