I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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