I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
