so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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