Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
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