It's like God shit irony all over that family
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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