The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
