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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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