If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
