my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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