My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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