the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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