I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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