he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
