Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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