You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
