hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
