Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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