Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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