Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
