You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
