My sheets look like a crime scene.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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