I'm lost and stupid without you.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
