And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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