I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
