You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I can't turn off my feet"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
