There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
