Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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