Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
