Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
