Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
